It’s Been Over A Year (Follow Up + Techniques)

It’s been over a year since the last time I masturbated. I don’t know how long exactly. You know you’ve really quit something once you stop counting how much time had passed since the last time you did it. And this goes for all addictions. I really do not care anymore about the time, because masturbation is out of my life for good.

These days I do not look at porn at all, I do not think about porn, I do not fantasize about sex or sexual perversions, I do not touch myself below the waste, or stimulate myself in any way. I even stopped having sex, or climaxing in any way, because of my yoga and meditation practice. During the past year I came only several times during sex with my wife. But do not get discouraged by my abstinence. I’m taking it a bit further. Over the past year, my view changed not only on masturbation, but on sex also. I will tell you about it below.

It is work my friends. And it is not an easy one, but it’s worth it. Shaping yourself physically, mentally, spiritually is a daily task. Who cares what happened yesterday? Today is a new day and thus a new life. Every day is a new life and every morning you need to wake up and go to work on yourself. There is no limit to elevation. Although as far as habits go, it is harder in the beginning. Once you build up enough mental stamina – it is easier to maintain yourself. First you count the days, then weeks, then months, and once you pass a certain mark – you stop counting. You just don’t care anymore.

How did I do it? I described the methods in my first article. It is yoga and meditation. Making a decision is a first serious step, but then it comes to applicable daily techniques that will help you on your way. Just talking about it won’t help. You need to literally mold the new you. And you can do it, without any medication, or shrinks. We live in an age, where every type of information is available. It is an act of ignorance to not take an advantage of that.

It is all about the state of perception. Say you’ve been driving and old Volkswagen for all of your life. You know it’s not the best car in the world, maybe you even dread it – but it gets you where you need. Then you get a chance to test out a Ferrari. It a whole new level after which you have to go back to driving your old VW. You hate it, because now you’ve had the taste of something much more different and better in all terms. You wish you had a Ferrari instead of the old raggedy VW, but Ferrari is expensive and you can’t afford it. But what if you could have it for free? Would you stay with the old VW? J I tend to think “not”.

The same goes for your state of perception. Your VW is your old state of perception- Ferrari is the new. The only difference is that perceptions are free and anyone can afford a new perception. You just have to want it and work for it. When you masturbate, drink, do drugs, or live in any other type of harmful behavior – you are at a certain level of perception. This perception is certainly low, because if it wasn’t – you’d be addiction free. It is your physical state, your emotional state and your mental state that make this perception up. You’re driving an old VW, when you could be driving a Ferrari. Your old VW is a car, and it drives you and it takes you places, but it doesn’t stand anywhere near a Ferrari. So start driving a Ferrari, Bentley, Bugatti, whatever you want. Or get your own private Jet, Spaceship. There is no limit.

You’re living your old way of life and it is hard for you to get out of it, because you don’t have a stimulus. You don’t know what else is there. So you find no point in quitting, because your habits are the only means of pleasure in this life. What you’re doing is – you’re just putting in new seat covers into your old VW to make it look better J

What you need is a new perception. A new state of being. The state, where you would feel so much better, that you would not want to come back to your old way of life. The state, where you would see that life can be without masturbation, or any other addictions, without sexual perversions, without any dirty thoughts. The state, where you would be able to channel your life energy for the better, rather then let it go to waste. The state of a better health, feelings, emotions, thoughts, actions, relationships – the state of a new life. And the great thing is that going up has no limits, while going down always has a bottom.

In my previous article I was talking about Yoga and Meditation (Vipassana) as the means of attaining states of higher perceptions. And when I get letters asking me for steps needed to quit masturbation – I refer them back to the article. It is all there.

I try to do yoga everyday, and the same goes for meditation. Kundalini Yoga (Yogi Bhajan’s School) is a great school of yoga for fighting addictive behaviors. It has exercises and meditations that change your level of perception almost immediately. Even one class can change your life. You just have to want it and go for it. Kundalini gave ne a great start. I still practice Kundalini along with regular Hatha Yoga, which is also great. If you can’t find a Kundalini class near you, do not get discouraged. Look into Hatha, Ashtanga, or any other school of Yoga. They are all great and do their work.

Vipassana 11 day course has also drastically changed my life. It gave me the tool to strip away all the unnecessary mental and emotional trash, that had built up inside me over the course of my present and previous lives. I’ve been doing Vipassana for 5 months now and credit it for acquiring the emotional and mental peace that I had so very much needed. My head cleared from so many things. So many unwanted desires, feelings and emotions have left me. I stopped caring for sex, as the mean for lust. I became to view sex as a high act of love between two opposites, where a physical climax is not necessary. And act practiced solely as a manifestation of love for each other and God, and in preparation for the conception of a child. And that is what I’m interested in now. Anything else is of no interest to me. I have no interest in sex in terms of pure physical satisfaction.

Kundalini and Vipassana courses (11 day course is free, based solely on donation) and almost everywhere these days. You can talk the talk, but you need to walk the walk. We need practical, life applicable, everyday techniques – that will literally rebuilt us physically, emotionally and mentally. We need to see the result on ourselves!

For those who cannot find a class near them, or want to try something right away. I am giving an example of a breathing technique and a meditation that will both be of great help in fighting addictions. Both the breathing and the meditation are for fighting an addictive behavior. They are from Kundalini Yoga. If you are really serious about your new path – you’ll give them a try. These are powerful, ancient techniques that work.

And remember: Slip ups happen! But once you start practicing the techniques, you’ll become more and more reluctant to jeopardize your new state of being.

Hope this helps. Good Luck everyone and God Bless!

Stay and God Bless,



An Overall great site expounding the subject of Kundalini Yoga


Meditations and Breath:

Breath of fire is a crucial breathing technique. Not only it has an immense effect on your health, it is also a must in fighting addictive behavior. Practice it everyday as much as you can. Whenever you have a craving for something negative – sit down and do breath of fire for at least 5 minutes. The craving will subdue.

As for meditations – pick one and do it everyday. Even one time has an affect, but in order for the meditation to “kick in fully” – it needs to be practiced for 40 days. After 40 days it sets in your system. But you have to do it everyday. If you miss once, you have to start all over again. Do your best. Practice breath of fire before the meditation. You can find guidance on sitting postures on the web. If you cannot sit cross legged – sit in a chair. It doesn’t matter.

These are ancient secret and powerful techniques! They really work. Everything is in your hands now. You are given a way out. Now there will be no more excuses that you don’t know how to drop the habit. It’s all up to. This is still just a tip of the iceberg. I still strongly advise to find a yoga class near you or visit a Vipassana course.

God Bless!

Breath of Fire

Also a youtube link explaining the technique

Meditation for Healing Addictions (recommended)

Meditation to Conquer Self Animosity (Part 1):

Meditation to Conquer Self Animosity (Part 2):

Meditation to Reverse Negative Attitude, Frustration or Depression ( can be done in case of cravings) Part 1

Meditation to Reverse Negative Attitude, Frustration or Depression ( can be done in case of cravings) Part 2

The Site is Closed. Masturbation is a Threat to Life. Learn how to Quit it and Become the New You.

A huge thank you to all the people who paid their hard earned money for our content and helped to keep the site going. Thank you for your support, those of you honest people – legitimate members, who purchased our content, rather then stole it.

Thank you all the friends ands site’s supporters.

Theft is a modern plague. There is no appreciation for other people’s hard work these days. Everything is for the snatching.

Thieves steal your card numbers and use them to register and rip content off sites so they can make money off of it later with your help. By supporting forums owned by thieves and by downloading, sharing content – you put money in their pockets and become thieves yourself. Even worse you support theft and help it flourish. Think about it the next time you click on another one of those forum links.

After 7 years in business, I’m closing the site. I have no villas, no cars, no millions. I got my beautiful wife and a couple of grand in my bank account. I’ll be looking for a new life. I’m coming out of all this with a clean heart. If anyone who is depressed and looking to start a new life – masturbation and “dirt” free, I’ll be glad to give any advice. I’ve been an addict to all of this myself, but was able to clean myself off.

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Masturbation is a Threat to Life. Learn how to Quit it and Become the New You.

Masturbation is a life threatening habit, that can be dealt with only using the dependent’s willpower. This habit is supported by fantasies, desires and needs that are purely fictional and have no real base of existence. By feeding meaningless desires with this habit – one only finds himself in a state of regression instead of progression. As regression always has an end, progression never does.

Who am I

Call me Josh. I used to be the owner, producer, model, webmaster of one of the most popular fetish sites 2004-2011. My site was top, even though I never spent any of my time and almost none of my money on promoting it. If I did, it probably be a millionaire.

Why was it top? Because the content was the best. I knew what people wanted. Why? Because I was one of those people. I opened the site not for the money, but for a way to fulfill my own fantasies.

Ever since I was 5 years old, I remember to have had fetish longings. For women’s shoes and feet. In kindergarten, looking at my teacher’s feet, at home digging in my mother’s shoes. All of this tortured me throughout my childhood years, wanting to lick, smell the feet and shoes of women and girls around me. I thought I was mental.

All of this came to sense, when at the age of 11 I discovered masturbation. Ever since that time and up until 29, my life has been dependent on this wrecking habit.

My teenage years were filled with depression, anxiety and embarrassment for myself and for my fantasies and longing. It was a torture to not have been able to fulfill them.

Masturbation was my only outlet and with the coming of internet it became even stronger.

My habit and my fantasies made my sexual life a disaster, with unsuccessful relationships and me questioning my own existence. I thought I was cursed. Of course there were girls who accepted my fancies and were willing to play along, but still my urge for more was never satisfied.

One day I realized that my “curse” could be made use of and at the same time fulfill what I always wanted: longing for women shoes and feet. I could get all the feet and shoes that I wanted and plus make a living out of it. The rest is history.

The Misery of Our Desires

I closed the site in year 2011, after 7 years. Thieves and pirates caused my business a great suffering. It was painful. I always put my heart into the site and considered it a form of art. I used to care a lot about what the content was like. But then I was disappointed to see that most of the people do not appreciate any of it. They even hate you, because you want them to pay for the work that you’ve done. They want it all and for free. I did most of the work myself and even modeled for many years. Seeing your work being raped is not something Id wish anyone to experience. But even with all of that, my site was still going. I lived hassle free, now with other people doing the production, and still making thousands.

But I left all that. Many people will not understand why. I left behind a careless life and a steady income. Why? Because I was miserable and unhappy. Even though I was the owner and participant of a fetish site. I could engage in any type of fantasy with beautiful girls any day of the week and plus I had a beautiful girlfriend (later my wife), who accepted my lifestyle and was also happy to fulfill any of my fantasies. Instead I still masturbated every day on many occasions to the content that I found on sites other than mine and. Why?

Because I was addicted. I would have sex with my wife and then still masturbate afterwards. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think of was masturbation. I would model for a shoot and then masturbate to the same shoot but on video. This would leave me miserable, depressed, depleted of any life energy and irritated. My brain didn’t work, I couldn’t think straight, my memory was bad. Constant masturbation affected my erection, my performance in bed, it made me paranoid, affecting my relationships with women and people overall.

Now I’m 30 and masturbation free. I haven’t masturbated close to a year now, which is the longest I went since I first started doing it at the age of 11. How did I do it? I will share my story with you and hope that it will help you on your way to a better life.

Masturbation is a Harmful, Destructive Habit

First off you have to realize that masturbation is a destructive and harmful habit. It affects us on all levels: physical, mental and even subtler levels. My views are going to be based solely on my personal experience and it will be up to you to decide whether it applies to your life. I will be basing my conclusions on the concept that everything is energy, as we are also. And this is not just different traditions, or spiritualism – this is a scientifically proven fact. We are made of energy and our overall state of being depends on the amount of energy we have, and the state, which this energy is in. Even if you’re skeptical with what I’m saying doesn’t the following imply to your life?

Your hands do not fall off and you may feel like stress free afterwards, but in the long run masturbation makes your life miserable. You become depressed, irritable, paranoid, phobic, unsocial, tired mentally and physically. Plus since masturbation is an addictive behavior, it never leaves you satisfied and drives you to masturbate more and more. Doesn’t this mean that something is going on with you? That you are being affected at levels other than just your physical? This was definitely the case with me and I have to tell you – I always felt the effects.

I have always felt the harm masturbation was doing to me and my life. I tried restraining myself, but it never helped. I knew that it was bad from a religious and ethical point of view, but other than that I couldn’t quite comprehend why it was wrong. At some point the media made me think it was even good and healthy. But if it was, why did I still feel like crap?

All of this started to clear up, when I decided to take up a new path in my life – the path of being clean. Clean from alcohol, drugs, bad thoughts, emotions, behaviors, clean from the life I was living at that time. I wanted to change for the good. And if you want to change for the good – the Universe gives you all the information you need. I read books; travelled to learn; applied different practices to my life (sports, kung fu, yoga, meditation, cosmoenergetics). It took time and I’m still going, but I realized and experienced things that made me masturbation free.

I wish the same to you, so if you’re interested in what I have to say, lets’ keep going.

Masturbation Depletes You of Life

The God, the Universe, the Nature (take whichever name you like) has made us a certain way and that way is for us to have sex for procreation. As old fashioned as it sounds – it is true. And please let me explain my personal experience with this. It is a common mistake to think that men are never-ending producers of semen. We are not. We each have our limit, just like the women have their limit in eggs. The way it works is that every time you cum – your body thinks that you are going to conceive a child. So all the life force, life energy that you have in you at that time, all the best in you that you have – goes into that semen. Your best potential, all that you got, you life’s resource – is all in that semen and is about to be given away to your future child. You, as a man, are the driving force, which gives the initial spark to new life. The stronger your spark (the overall state of your semen) the stronger your child will be in all terms. But, this is if you have a partner and trying to conceive. In our case, this spark just goes to waste and who knows how many times a day and how many days a year. You deplete yourself of your vital life force and this is why you feel drained, tired and depressed afterwards.

Our bodies do not understand, that their owners have sex just for fun. I’m not saying having sex is bad, on the opposite – it can be a healthy and replenishing experience, but if done right and with the person you love. In such case there is an exchange of energy between partners. Yes, you loose some, but you gain some in return. In case of masturbation, there Is just an instance of waste.

Your semen is your life force, for which you are accountable. Chinese say that each man has a certain number of ejaculations given to his life, when they are out – he looses his potency. The Indian Yogis say that celibacy is one of the key factors to reaching enlightenment. The Native Americans practice celibacy in their rituals. I’m not even mentioning all the monks around the world. Why do you think ancient traditions believe in celibacy? Why are there so many publications on practices, where you make love while controlling your ejaculation? Because it is vital to your self being. Even in modern sports, they debate whether sportsmen should or should not be prohibited to have sex before events. They do debate, but while they do – they prohibit. Because they know how it affects the performance. They do not understand exactly how, but that is because they judge solely on the physical basis and do not look into the energy side of it. I, for one, saw from my own personal experience at weightlifting, boxing, martial arts and other sports that pointless ejaculations made me weaker, less agile and with less stamina.

From my experience of different practices and from my knowledge of sources on those practices and traditions from which they come from – I can tell you the following on your semen. It is vital to your nervous system and your brain. (Let’s take the Indian tradition, which is so wide spread these days with the popularity of Yoga.) The Yogis and the Ayurveda (system of traditional medicine native to India) name it Ojas. Let’s take a definition from Wikipedia, which is accurate.

*Ojas is a Sanskrit word, which literally means “vigor”. It is the essential energy of the body, which can be equated with the “fluid of life”. Ojas is the sap of one’s life energy which, when sufficient, is equated with immunity and, when deficient, results in weakness, fatigue and ultimately disease.*

This “life juice� is subtle energy currents that flow through your spine (the tree of life in our bodies), keeping it healthy. These energies feed your whole nervous system and your brain. The continual depletion of semen drains your Ojas, thus leaving you weak spiritually, mentally and physically.

On the physical level it can also be described as follows. From food, chyle is manufactured; out of chyle comes blood; out of blood comes flesh; out of flesh comes fat; out of fat comes marrow; out of marrow comes semen. Semen is the last essence. It is the essence of essences. Just as sugar pervades sugar-cane and butter pervades milk, so also semen pervades the whole body. It exists in a subtle form throughout the body. It is withdrawn and elaborated in a gross form in the sexual organs under the influence of the sexual will and sexual excitement. Bad memory, premature old age, impotence, various sorts of eye diseases (remember the saying the masturbation will make you blind?) and nervous diseases are attributable to the heavy loss of this vital fluid.

There’s another vital aspect of semen that I came to know. Or semen is practically made up of zinc, which is a vital element in our body: 100 grams of sperm contain 100 mgs of zinc. Prostate problems, diabetes and premature grey hair can all be causes of zinc deficiency in the body.

Masturbation as a Social Hazard

From my experience I can say that masturbation directly affects social life, and especially relationships with the opposite sex.

Due to the loss of mind balance, caused by masturbation, I often experienced social phobia and paranoia. I had hard time socializing, when going out, at work, or when meeting other people, especially women. Since masturbation almost always lacks a partner, we teach our bodies and mind the normality of this. We literally make our sexual organs accustomed to our own hands. This causes fear of being with a real person, resulting in bad erection or no erection at all. Problems with erection and inability to interact with real life partners, result into life long insecurities, which stand in the way of a satisfying sex life. Because masturbation depletes us of our vigor, we become too lazy or afraid to go after women in real life.

For the most part, aside from video shoots, I was insecure about my masculinity and felt as a weak male, when in front of opposite sex. This always caused problems and was a torture. I was a good looking, smart, wealthy guy with a great body and yet I could never get a girl. Later I realized that the problem was not in women, but solely in me and in my habit. By constantly draining myself, I indeed made myself weak. And no matter how much money you have – women sense it. They literally sense how much you got in your balls and no one wants a “weak dick�. Sex is an animal function, so when it comes to it – we do act as ones, and animals can sense everything with no words, especially weakness and strength.

Masturbation takes away the need in real partner, which is disastrous. We as humans are made to interact with our opposite sex and unite with them through means of intercourse and family union. By eliminating this need, we suppress our nature. Even though we think we satisfy ourselves – we don’t. Otherwise masturbation would not go hand in hand with depression.

I used to think I had problems with erection and even at some point reserved to taking erection pills. I was not able to get hard easily and it took me very long time to cum, tiring out my partner in the end. Later I realized that it was solely due to masturbation.

Living A Lie

With masturbation we subdue our normal male masculinity, regressing to a world of non-reality, a world of lies. We make up fantasies, imaginary situations, which have no real basis (on that later). We watch porn, which is make believe, just like motion pictures and we want to believe that it is real. We make up an imaginary world in our heads and start to think that that is how it really is. We build our life expectations based on this false world. When the world doesn’t meet our expectations – we become bitter and depressed. And since we are talking sex, this means our sex lives and our relationships.

I was in the porn business for 7 years and believe I have seen enough. The one main thing I can tell you is that “It is not what it seems!� It is a big illusion, just like the movie industry. We are tricked to think that what we see through the lens of a camera is our own vision. Have you ever seen those survival shows, where a guy with no food or tools tries to survive out in the wild? Looks extreme, right? But have you ever thought about how you are being able to watch this guy survive in such conditions? Because there is a camera man with him and perhaps maybe a whole camera crew. It is all staged. There is a guy with a heavy cam on his shoulder next to our hero, doing the same he does, in the same conditions, plus also filming. Or maybe several camera men, if the hero is being filmed from different spots. Otherwise how else would you witness it? The same with everything you see on television and internet. Even if it says, “reality� – there is still some sort of staging going on.

But let’s drop the staging, I want to say about the models participating in the shoots, because the models are the objects of our fantasies, desires and longings. They are our fictional partners, those mistresses, porn stars and girls next door of the net. They become our standards of what we look for in real life women. They make us believe that they enjoy everything they do on camera. Thanks to them we think that that’s how all women are, or many of them. Then we fool ourselves by trying to find the same in our real lives. And when we don’t find it – we get depressed and start thinking that there’s something wrong with us.

One main thing: the girls rarely look the same in real life as they do on camera. Yes there are rare instances, but for the most part NO! There’s make up and there’s clothing involved. Rarely do the so-called “girls next door� take care of themselves and present themselves the way they are seen on camera. It is staged and they are told what to do and what to say. Most of them come with their hair undone, wearing no make up and bring no clothes to change for the shoot. The producers have to provide the clothing and the shoes for them. Some of them never wear high heels and do not even like them. Most of them do not pay much attention to their feet and have to be told in advance to get a manicure, or paint their toenails. And still, some come with their nails undone and the stylists have to paint them. The producers make up an illusionary image and this image is what you are masturbating to. You think these are kinky, gorgeous looking girls, who enjoy doing whatever is on the site. But for the most part they are girls, who are trying to make some money, by doing what they are told. And this was the biggest disappointment in the business for me. I got into the whole idea of opening a site, for the purpose of satisfying my fetishes, but the irony of it – is that I never really did. The real life is not what it seems from your computer screen. The girls who would come to shoots would turn me off, if not right away by opening their mouth, then later on when taking off their shoes. I always had a thing for classy, stylish girls with beautiful feet. I didn’t find them in the porn business (now I know they are a rarity even in life), because just like all the men out there I was living in illusion, brought onto me by the porn industry itself. I already had so many preconceptions and expectations before going into the business, that when faced with real life – I became disappointed. It didn’t turn out to be what I thought it would be. The type of women that I desired were out of reach, because they would never come near a porn shoot and the type that came – were always disappointing. Although there were some instances, where the girls that I had a crush on would participate in a shoot, but only to be a big disappointment later. It was to the point where I would produce a shoot with a girl, during which I felt no arousal whatsoever, and then masturbate to the same girl, when later watching the video. You see what I mean? The same girl in real life and on screen made a totally different impression, because on screen I would tweak her to my imaginary standard. And this was devastating, because the real life has turned out to be a turn off. This is why so many men, who masturbate – have a dysfunctional sex life. We picture these women on screen as being perfect and we expect the same from life. But in life, even if the woman is gorgeous from the looks of it, she may turn out to be the opposite of what we expect, when confronted in a more private setting. This disappointment further pushes us to reserve to our imaginary world.

Do not get depressed about your sex life, do not get depressed about not getting what you want, or what you fantasize about, because often it is not relevant to reality. You have to base your desires on your personal and real experience only.

You have to go out into the real world to find objects your desires, and masturbation will only prevent you from doing that. Plus from what I saw, women do not think as much about sex as men do. They do not occupy their heads with sexual fantasies that much. Porn was made up by men and for men – to satisfy their manly fantasies. The girls are in it solely for the money, because they need to make a living or get through school. In Russia for example, many of the girls come to big cities from smaller towns, or far away districts, trying to make it big. They all need money. They are not spreading their ass cheeks or kicking a fat guy in the balls, because they enjoy it. Some are good enough actresses, or others are good at following orders. They are rarely “into� what they do and for the most part do not like to recall what they participated in. Later many of them regret what they did and would like to forget the whole experience.

Think about all of this the next time you watch another video clip.

Taking Steps

I have been suffering from masturbation ever since I was a child. Later when I became fully aware of this destructive habit, I began to suffer in awareness, which was even more painful. This habit was with my 18 years of my life, from 11 to 29. I tried to stop so many times, but nothing helped. I’d go to bed thinking I’d start a new life in the morning, but the next day just started like any other day – with masturbation.

All this began to change when I made a decision to change myself as a whole, as a person. By changing who I was and my way of life – my habits started to change. And this is an important concept to realize. Our habits do not make us – we make them. You have to get to the cause of the habit, to the core of the problem, and the core is your mind and body. Since masturbation is an addictive behavior, it lowers us as individuals. To fight it we have to elevate ourselves and then to not come down. It took me a couple of years of struggle, working on myself before I could finally get the results. The result is that I have been going almost a year now, without masturbating. This is the longest ever in my life. Now I’m at a point, where I do not even think about doing it. But at the same time I made a huge change as a person. And these two changes go hand in hand.

When I say I have been going without masturbation, I mean without cumming from stimulating myself physically. Throughout this year I had fallbacks, where due to my mental weakness I would arouse myself and get very close to cumming, but then stopping myself in time not to. But these occurrences were not frequent and were always treated by me as a loss to my own self. And even though I’m at a point, when I have no thoughts about the actual act of masturbation – I still pop up something arousing on the net once in a while, just for a look. I do get hard, but I do not actually think about going further. But this also is starting to happen less and less frequently. This is to show you that it is a process and not a short one. You can quit, but the tough part is maintaining yourself. But don’t get discouraged, because I will share my advice and information on how to quit and maintain, which will make it easier for you by saving you the time that it took me.

Elevating Yourself

It took me a little over a year to find what I needed to help me with dropping my habit. It was not easy, because along with masturbation I was fighting a drug addiction. In my life these two habits were often side by side. It was actually the drugs that motivated me to start looking for a change. They had been part of my life for years and at some point I thought that they would remain so. I could not imagine my life without them. But I was at a point, where I knew that If I would not seek help, I’d start moving towards rock bottom.

I doesn’t really matter how I got into where I was at that time. The important thing is that I made a decision to get out of it. My addictions came from my inner state of being. I had a great life from others point of view, but even though I had lots – I was unhappy. That emptiness is what I’ve been trying to fill with partying, drugs and masturbation. Short-lived pleasures, that artificially elevated me, made me come down so much harder afterwards.

I needed to reach a new level of my life. A better level of my self being. For too long I was stuck in the same state and could not see the life around me clearly. I had to step out of that state. I was depressed and miserable, so I knew that somehow I had to make myself feel better.

The first year I have been going different ways, trying to get myself to a state, where I would feel good enough not to come down. I tried different practices, among which were working with cosmic energies (Russian practice), shamanism, Chi Gun, Kun Fu and Yoga. A year before that I also boxed. I even ended up going to China, to the Shaolin Temple. All of this without a doubt started a process in me for the better, but I was still having occasional slip ups into drugs and the masturbation habit was also there.

I am grateful to the first year, because it made me stronger and planted the seed that would later yield a crop. You have to be strong at your decision and stick with it. Even if you slip up – don’t give up, because the result will eventually come.

During that year, after another fallback – I fell to the world of addiction and again was trying to bring myself back. I knew I had to make a drastic change, so I left Russia and headed for United States. There I was doing some studying, getting my mind off the life back in Russia. I quit drugs, but not masturbation. Plus I also picked up smoking cigarettes. Even though I felt different, I was not well inside. Constant studying, plus the city’s fast life (I was in NY) soon left me again depleted of my life force. I had no choice, but to look for a way to replenish myself. I decided to look for Yoga classes. I enjoyed doing Yoga back in Russia, because then it gave me the lift, which I was so in need of now. Destiny led me to Kundalini Yoga classes and since then my life was never the same.

Kundalini Yoga

This Yoga School completely changed my life. I dropped all of my habits: smoking, drugs, drinking, and masturbation. How? Thanks to this Yoga, I was able to elevate myself to a new state of being. A state where I felt new: physically, mentally, and spiritually. This new state was exactly what I’d been looking for.

Kundalini Yoga was originally brought over from India and taught in United States by Yogi Bhajan in the 1960s. It is based on ancient and secret techniques, acquired from the master Yogis of the East. It was originally taught to help people get rid of drug dependencies, since it was a major issue in the 60s. Since then it became very popular and widespread throughout the whole world. It is a very powerful Yoga and is called the Yoga of awareness. It is fast in a sense, that people very quickly feel its effects. They also very quickly understand whether they like it. But from my experience almost everyone does. And when they start doing it – they also start to witness a drastic change in their lifestyle. One of the main changes is that the bad habits go away. This Yoga works not only on the physical levels, but on all of the subtle levels, and most importantly on our mind. Yes, our mind! And does it really fast. I took me a little over a month to reach a state, where my habits were gone. Yes, I still longed for a cigarette or a wank once in a while, but for the first time in my life I felt the strength I needed to resist.

Our mind can either be our friend or our enemy. There is a saying: �A person who can master his mind, can conquer the world!� Our mind is the source of all of our miseries, and this has been taught by all of the enlightened people and prophets all throughout the history of this world. All of our desires, fantasies, habitual behaviors come from our mind and for the most part are never real. They are just phantoms brought onto us by society, parents, friends, and our past lives. Almost never we think, or act based on our real desires, because they almost never get through the clutter of trash stored in our mind. And since our mind controls us – we have no power to be ourselves. Thanks to breath and physical exercises and most importantly meditations in Kundalini Yoga – we begin to practice the virtue of mind control and mind control brings the most important thing – will power. Not only we start to notice our real selves, but we start to develop the power to say no. And when we can say no – we become free of so many of life’s burdens.

This Yoga literally changed my life. What’s special about it is that you don’t have to be very flexible, as in other types of Yoga, plus it is very dynamic and anyone can do it. The main slogan of this Yoga is: “Keep up!� You just have to do your best. Newbies and masters can all practice together. Plus this Yoga school is very fast in terms of results, unlike other Yoga schools. Right after your first class you feel a difference in your state of being. You feel so good and uplifted that you just don’t want to come down from this state. When you realize how good you can really feel, you sacrifice your bad habits and addictive behaviors in order to retain this state. This was the case with me and masturbation. Plus something happens on higher levels of consciousness, where you ultimately loose the need in any type of destructive or harmful behavior. You just don’t want it. With time you become a new you, stronger, happier, healthier and misery free (What else is needed?).

Kundalini Yoga changed my life and it will change yours. It is becoming more and more popular all over the world and I am sure you will have no problem finding a class near you, no matter where you live.

Below are their homepages, where you can find a teacher near or read more on the yoga itself. Give it a try, take it from me – it is a life changer.


Months were passing by and I was feeling better and better thanks to Yoga. I went back to Russia. I dropped all of my habits, became a vegetarian and even got married – all thanks to Kundalini. Occasionally I did experience cravings for drugs, or masturbation, but thanks to my Yoga practice I now had the strength to not give in. It was still in a battle with my old self, but now my new self had the advantage. Sometimes I would get online and try to masturbate, but I always had the power to stop myself and not take it further by actually cumming. This would although still depress me. I wanted to be completely free from this habit to the point where I would no longer have any urge to even touch myself, look at porn, or allow the perverted thoughts to enter my head. At that time I was blessed to come to the knowledge of an ancient meditation technique called Vipassana.

Vipassana is a technique, which was taught by Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) in India 2500 years ago. This is the technique discovered by him and through which he reached enlightenment. This is the technique, which he later taught to all people for free and till his last breath of life. It was later lost, but kept and passed on from generation to generation by monks in Birma. It was brought back into the world and taught to everyone in the 1980s by Shri S N Goenkaji. Since then Vipassana has spread throughout the world and is being taught as a 10 day meditation course.

The Buddha taught that all misery in this world comes from our desires. Not enough that our desires almost never come from out true selves, being brought onto us by the illusionary world around us, but they also never leave us satisfied, keeping us wanting more. Even if something is being fulfilled, it is still never enough and our built up expectations are never fully met (remember previous chapters?). To be truly happy and see ourselves, and the world for what it truly is (this is what Vipassana means) we have to free ourselves from false desires and learn to live in truth.

What Buddha discovered is that all of our actions, needs and wants, before they are acted upon, take start in a sensory form in different parts of our bodies. First, we get a sensation in our body, which in return triggers a certain action, or behavior. By practicing Vipassana, we learn to scan for and observe sensations in our bodies, thus shedding our old habitual behaviors, unwanted desires and needs. With time we become our true selves, who understand clearly what they need and what they don’t need. Using the technique is like moving a magnet around our body, which attracts and pulls out all of the unnecessary clutter. This technique is known to change lives in just 10 days, not to mention cure dependencies.

Our present day lives are filled with sensorial misery. Take food and drink for example. We crave them, because of the sensations they give us, not because of their nutritional value or ability to satisfy hunger and maintain our bodies. Whether it is taste during the intake, or the effect afterwards (in case of coffee) – it is a dependency on sensorial stimulation. Masturbation is the same. We want the “feeling� part of it. We are dependent on the physical pleasure that comes from doing it. By doing Vipassana we clean our bodies from the stored up need in such types of stimulation, making ourselves sober. When we are sober, we can see and feel more clearly the non-necessity of a certain behavior and the need in repeating it. That is another point of the technique. It cleans us up, but it’s up to us to not contaminate ourselves again and to not create new misery, by going back to and repeating whatever we cleaned ourselves from. But I guarantee that once your old misery goes away, you’ll think twice before creating new one.

Thanks to this technique I was able to even further develop myself. By practicing it everyday for several months – I started to gradually loose interest in any type of sexual entertainment and in any type of self stimulation. Recently, I almost completely stopped looking at sites and thinking about masturbation, even though I spend a good amount of time on the net. I am able to avoid sexual thoughts, or at least discern them as being illusionary. And this is what Vipassana is all about. Realizing, that our actions, thoughts, desires and needs do not belong to our true selves. We learn how to sort out what’s ours and what’s not. My everyday life also changed immensely for the better.

Vipassana is taught in many centers all around the world. The meditation itself is a 10 day course. If you really are serious about dropping your old behavioral patterns – take a 10 day vacation and give yourself a gift of a new life, free from misery. It will change your life (I guarantee).

Observance and Acceptance

I’d like to mention something that both Kundalini Yoga and Vipassana taught me and this “something� unites both of these practices. It is the ability to remain neutral. Be remaining neutral, we do not let ourselves react to the provocations of the outside world. We train our mind to remain calm in any of life’s situations, distinguishing the real from the non-real. We simply observe what’s going on, accepting the fact that it takes place, but not reacting to it in any way. Acceptance is a very important factor. Accepting a problem is the start of solving it. By observing our desires and urges, and most importantly accepting them, without fighting them or trying to hide them, we train ourselves not to react. If you feel something – it doesn’t mean you have to react to it, or act it out.

Additional Advices

While on your way to a habit free life, there may be occasions where you fallback. The main thing – is to not get discouraged and most importantly not to blame yourself. This is all part of a process that takes time. As long as you are determined in your goal – you will get there. Take it from me.

If you are dependent on internet porn, dvds, or magazines – throw them away, burn them, do as you please, but get them out of your world. For most men these days – it is their computers, filled with years of porn collected from the net. Just erase it! You may curse yourself later, but understand that you’re doing it for the better. It is like cutting off the supply of a drug addict. It is for his benefit. It will be a pain to go back to downloading all of the erased material again, paying for it, or restoring your hard drive. This may keep you away from your addiction for some time, or maybe this “some time� will turn into forever. The computer I use is completely “clean� and that keeps me from distraction and temptation of taking a glimpse at something once in a while. This step takes guts, but you need them to fight your habitual self.

Remember, that the main harm of masturbation is in cumming. By cumming, you deplete yourself of your life force. If you cannot resist the temptation of looking at pornography – then try to go the following ways.

Resist the temptation to touch yourself, or stimulate yourself. Just try to observe what is happening with you. Look at the object of your arousal, feel the arousal, but resist the urge to go further. From my experience I can say that there is a time lapse of about 5 to 15 minutes, when we feel the arousal and have the urge to take it further. During this time, we do not think straight and let our senses take over. This is usually the time, when we hurriedly take out our credit cards and with shaking hands purchase another membership to a site. If you’re on a site, take more time to browse it, or look at some other content on your computer. Give yourself more time and after a while you will feel that you arousal is starting to subside, and you may come to senses and realize that you don’t have the need to masturbate any longer.

If you can’t fight the urge to touch yourself, then try at least not to go as far as masturbating. At first try to just touch other parts of your body, like your nipples. This may provide enough sensation for you to not go lower. While touching your nipples, you can try tightening and contracting your pelvic muscles and muscles around your penis. This will cause a sensation that is pleasurable. If you tighten the muscles hard enough, you may even feel as if you’re about to cum, but you will not. By taking your time and not rushing to the act of masturbation itself, you may win yourself enough time to come down from the initial urge to masturbate. By doing this, over time you will train your body and yourself to not associate the instance of arousal with the act of masturbation. Over time, you may become estranged to touching your sexual organs and the need for masturbation will fall off. This technique works, since I tried it on myself and it helped me along with all the other techniques.

If you cannot keep your hands off your sexual organs, during the arousal, then try to avoid frictions. Just touch and feel yourself. Once you start with the frictions, it is harder to stop and soon you may drive yourself to a climax. By learning how to restrict the act of masturbation to just touching and exploring yourself – you become distant from frictions and climaxing. You train your body and mind to a different, less damaging way of dealing with arousal. This, with time, may make you strong enough to stop touching you sex organs and then the rest of your body.

If you cannot resist frictions, then observe yourself, while you masturbate, and do not stimulate yourself to the point of climaxing. Avoid the urge to cum. This may be hard, but you may realize that just the act of friction is enough after some time of doing it. You may not feel like cumming. The problem is that we associate the act of masturbation with the act of cumming, but we may find that we may satisfy our sensory urge without the end result. This way we’re not doing so much damage to ourselves. With time, we will train our body and mind to go without climaxing and the act of masturbation may loose interest to us altogether.

In all of the ways I described above – we train our will power. And as it gets stronger with time, we acquire more strength to restrict ourselves further and further. We realize ourselves to be stronger than the habit and our old selves, which gives us more stimulus to keep going.

In Conclusion

I hope that this article will help you on your way to a life free of masturbation. I want to say that Kundalini Yoga and Vipassana will help you not only with masturbation, but with all of your bad habits. The main step is to make a decision for a new you and the rest is a process that takes time and effort. Do not beat yourself up if you slip up once in a while – it is all part of the process. Persistence will get you there. In the end it’s all worth it, because life without bad habits is so much better.

Understand, that by changing yourself as a person, you change the way you think, behave and ultimately live. Only by doing this can you become truly happy. Masturbation does not exist as a sole habit. It is tied in a bundle with other habits, emotions, desires and deeds, which do not belong to our true selves. It is all garbage brought onto us by the outside world. By training our bodies and mind – we can train ourselves to not react, by remaining neutral and calm. And this goes for everything in our lives.

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